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This is the story of the last 18 months of my life. I hope after reading the months that have changed my life it will make you think of yours and how you can change what you have done wrong.
18 Months ago: this was when it all started. The start of all my problems. I was out with my mates and we went passed a petrol station, one of my mates said "ah go on see if you can get served for a lighter bet you cant," so I did so I didn't look stupid in front of my mates and them thinking I am a chicken or something so I went in nervous and asked. "50p please" I didn't believe it. I got served. I went out bragging not believing my luck. We stayed out late that night but it was cold being winter, so we got a newspaper and lit the newspaper sheet by sheet to get some warmth. We all thought this was a laugh but this was the beginning of the most stupid and reckless thing I have ever done and probably ever do.
17 Months ago: things got bigger as the weeks went by. We went from the little sheets of paper to starting fires in bins getting bigger each time. Me and my mates from school still thought nothing of it just some harmless fun. No one could get hurt by it and it wasn't doing anyone any damage. While lighting one fire I burnt my thumb it blistered up bad style and it was really obvious. As I got home I tried hiding it but it only made it more obvious. My mum as she is started asking questions, "are you smoking?" "What's that on your thumb?" all of the questions she asked I lied to. "I passed smokers", "burnt it in school in science" she wasn't having a word of it. I knew she didn't believe me. It really did get to me in the end that I was lying to my mom but I just kept thinking I will stop lighting fires after winter.
16 Months ago: this was the point where I thought it went downhill when I broke up with my old girlfriend I had been with for 16 months. But it was far worse in the long run. I made mates with two 16 year old girls; Elly* and Su*. And Su was going out with this lad from Wrexham. His name was Alan*. Me him and Elly had one thing in common we were all fire starters. Those two having more experience at it then me I felt I had something to live up to.
15 Months ago: this is when me and Alan clicked, we became great mates and between us things got bigger we made fires bigger in bins and started messing about with deodorant cans. This is where it went from staying warm and having something to do to stupidity and where we could really be injured. My mom got even more worried about how much deodorant I got through and where it all went to.
14 months ago: Me and Alan got our hands on petrol and tried lighten line fires n things like they did on Jackass. We set a fire on a bench n jumped over it. It was all good fun. My mates were laughing at me until I set my jeans on fire. It really hurt when my skin got burned. It took all my hair of that part of my leg and it all blistered up making it really hard to walk. My mom thought this would be the end when she saw me in pain. I said I fell of my bike and landed wrong. She sort of believed me. But still tried to stop me going out but it didn't work I still hung around with Alan and my other mates.
13 months ago: Elly moved away. This could have been a walk away point for me. Alan lives far away anyway and now so does Elly. I just had to stay away when they came down and I was away from all of this. Clean and innocent. I couldn't. Alan came down and there I was lighting fires again. Still the same rush from when I saw the flame and still the same guilt afterwards and always the thought of what if something went wrong. What would happen if it set fire to a building or if we got caught, what would happen?
12 months ago: we were messing about with deodorant cans and petrol, I tell you now not a good mix with a lighter, well we were setting a small bin fire, petrol to get the plastics burning and a deodorant can for a bit of spice. The fire was going well until the flame went into the can as it does, I thought oh **** and threw the can and shouted to Alan "Duck its going to blow" and as I said it, it did. The shrapnel sliced into trees and a bit caught my face and cut my arm deep. This was going to be impossible to explain, I said I got it when I fell of my bike coming home… she bought it, every word, the cuts and burns I blamed on my bike when I fell of and went across tarmac. After this point we knew we had reached a point of this. We called ourselves "The R-Son's" this was to stick and if you were in you did what you were told and that meant we all go down together if we get caught.
11 months ago: I got with this girl called Nadine*, she stayed out of the way when I set fires, she didn't like it but I still did it, we got on really well but no matter what she said I didn't stop setting fires with Alan when he came down to see his girlfriend.
10 months ago: Elly came down and so did Alan, we tried thinking of something to do. Nadine was away that weekend and we had nothing to do, apart from one thing to start fires. We went up the town centre and started fires in the woods. Elly had a camcorder. This was the downfall. Saturday we messed about and Sunday came. We had a can of petrol and about 2 minutes of spare film and no ideas. We passed a chip shop with a wooden shed behind it and Elly came up with the idea lets burn the shed and film it. I passed Alan the petrol and the lighter he moved some boxes about and set the fire. So much for watching it burn as soon as it lit they ran of and I followed. We didn't call the fire brigade and some one else did. Lucky for us someone else did. We went up town and thought nothing of it. Elly made the website and put the video on it and a few other things like pictures on it. All this time my mum has been Suspicious.
9 months ago: My mum's Suspicion reached an all time high. She looked through my computer and found the website. She didn't know what to do so she called the police. I felt like running away when she told me, it went through my head, back my bags and grab my money and leave but where would I go? I stayed put. The police came and took my computer for evidence and told me to be at the police station in a week. I went like I was ordered and was charged for arson. The cells there are so cold and empty. Next to me was a drunk in on assault charge. I could hear him scream as he was so drunk. I was in there for a few hours and it felt like so much more. I was so cold I came out shaking and there was nothing to do it was one of the worst things in my life. Just them few hours made me dread everything to come and regret everything I have done. They gave me the court date and it was the day after my birthday.
8 months ago: the month on the run up to the court was one of the most awkward and dishonouring of my life. My parents did all in there power to make me know what was happening and make me understand what I did. She grounded me I was only allowed out to school, my round and for the first few weeks no contact with my girlfriend or the use of my mobile or house phone and banned me from my msn. This was complete disconnection from all that made me into who I was. This month was so awkward between me and everyone. People at school knew what had happened they wouldn't leave me alone, the inSults went from fatty and geek to arsonist and much worse. I could not get rid of everyone inSulting me or get away from the guilt of it all. When I saw my mum in my house part of me wanted to lash out blaming her for me being caught but another part of me, the thinking part, knew it was my fault. It was my mistakes that got us all caught. The court got nearer and nearer and what was going to happen came even more real.
7 months ago: I was in court and they said to come back in 4 weeks time as they needed more time for the prosecution to collect its prosecution. This was it for this time. Come back in 4 weeks they gave me the date but I was in hatred because I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later because I could get it over with then and not have the court over me but just the punishment which I could get on with.
6 months ago: I was back in court. Me, Alan and Elly were Summoned into the magistrates and there in front of us were 3 quite old men. In there hands hung our fate. They asked for our pleads. Alan: guilty, Elly: innocent, me: guilty. I did like my solicitor advised. I knew I was guilty so no point fighting it. They said if Elly was finished she may leave. She stood and left. Me and Alan in the room looking face on standing. They said the punishments were either a referral order or a sentence in youth offending institute. Every one in the room knew by the look in our eyes if we went juvie we were finished mentally. We both would be worse and completely different. We explained our statements and said our remorse that I knew I meant. They left and the five minutes they were out made me feel like I was back in the cells for them two hours dreading what was to come. The clock ticked every second and each second drew our punishment even closer. The magistrates emerged and gave their verdict that we were to be sentenced to a 6 month referral order starting when it was signed. We left and I looked at Alan and we both nodded knowing it would be the end of our self named group "The R-Son's" we didn't go down together but we knew it was gone and I knew I was glad it was because I don't know what I could of done.
5 months ago: my referral order started. I was so nervous as I didn't know what it was or what was going to happen. We discussed my punishments. I had to do community service, anger management, fire setter's course and a health assessment to try and understand. Sitting in the circle with my parents and 3 strangers who would decide between them what I had to do for the next 6 months. It felt like being in court again with what I do for the next 6 months in their hands. A week later the youth offending worker Sue comes round mine and starts the order.
4 months ago: the representative from the fire setter's course comes round my house to discuss what and when I have to do the fire setter's course. Sue starts me on work to make me realise the consequences of my actions. I had to write a letter to the victim who was the owner of the chip shop we set the fire in the shed behind.
3 months ago: my community service work starts 20 hours to do. They had me painting a village hall in a small village. I did 8 hours in total this month. It was really thought provoking as my community worker when we talked made me think a lot about what I did. My mom was worried about what I would do in the Summer holidays so she joined up at the gym and joined me up as well so I had something to do and so I could put my anger and boredom into something useful instead of lighting fires. This was one of the major improvements that my mum help to make. It gave me a way of doing exercise I enjoyed and also it was something to do and a let out of all my anger and spare energy. I also went on holiday on a PGL trip. I made loads of mates and broke up the Summer and stopped it seeming so long and boring and I made loads of mates and had a great laugh and when people dropped the point that I used to light fires I found out people did like me for who I was and I didn't have to light fires to impress people this led me to not need to have to light fires and this month I really tried myself to turn my life around realising there are other things to do and I don't need my mates and as soon as I leave college I am leaving them and moving on to new mates who understand me and who I can be myself with no need to impress.
2 months ago: I went back to school where no one would drop the fact I had been in trouble with the cops and my mum was the one who ratted me out. I didn't care. This month went quite fast as my fire setter's course started and they understood I was clever and made it more interesting for me so I gained more from it. I started to play rugby for school and I really enjoy it is one of the best ways I can let out anger and get enjoyable exercise finished the last 12 hours of community service. 6 at the village hall which was laborious and depressing but I found it useful as all the time I was working my community service worker was talking to me and made me think about what I did. The other 6 I did cleaning cars at the fire station. This was the worse. It had no point as they would get dirty again soon. But we had a long talk and I have changed my whole opinion on my actions. I would before jump into fights get in trouble and screw the consequences but now I would talk it out or walk off. Yeah I would be called a pussy but at least I won't screw up the rest of my life again.
1 month ago: I was coming near the end of my fire setter's course and everything I had done and worked hard at was coming together and showing how much I have changed my life for the better. Me and my mom have got a lot closer and can talk about anything now when before we had trouble talking about work or school.
From the biggest mistake in my life to the best improvement I have ever made I am not proud of setting the fires but I am really proud of the turnaround. I hope after reading about the last 18 months of my life and how I have changed from going down hill and getting worse with the thought I could really hurt someone now into a improving life with a lot ahead of me and so much has improved. I know how I changed my life should not happen to anyone else. If you light fires I thank you for reading it all but I urge you now stop the fires and stop the trouble. You put yours and other peoples life's at risk. You can turn it all round. Find the cause of why you light fires, mine was boredom and trying to fit in. once you have the cause you can work on the prevention. Get your mates to help you or whatever you can to stop because if you get caught you will end up worse than me. I had my family to help me. Do you? If you don't get caught it will all get worse. The fires will get bigger and you WILL KILL SOMEONE whether you think you will or won't It will go wrong somewhere and you will kill someone and I know you will never get rid of it off your consequences and the punishments will be far beyond your imagination. Stop now. Fire kills.
* All names and locations have been changed.
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